How did I get here you might ask?! Well it took many hours of 'self searching'. Yep, that is right - not soul searching as many say they do, but SELF searching. Why should I look for my soul? I know where it is. It is where it has always been. But who I am, my self, has been hidden.
I have tried to be what everyone else wants me to be. I have worn an obedient mask and hidden myself away locked deep inside my mind. If you know me you would know that there is always a movie playing in the back of my head....I know crazy but that is me. I go there; to my happy place when in pain or when I just need to escape reality.
Like many I have an inner kingdom. My own flight of fancy and magical place only I go and the imaginary beings I create there. On a side note these beings and people come out in my art. Just like my paintings, they are a part of me.
In this kingdom there was a small house. A dark house filled with gloom where all the scary things can hide. Trapped in this house was a small girl. She was held captive not by bars but by her own fears. Mostly her fear of acceptance. You see there was no back wall on her room. She huddled in the dark dreary place and looked out on to a sun filled meadow.
She was scared of letting others down. She was scared others would not like who she was. She was scared she was not good enough to be a friend, sister, artist, or cowgirl. At least hidden in her room nothing could hurt her. She was alone but protected from life. This is no way to live. Trust me I was there for way to long.
So I forgave myself. I forgave myself for believing what others said about me. I forgave myself for hiding away who I am. I forgave others for not seeing and loving me just because I am ME. I took the hand of the little girl and led her out into the sunshine. I freed myself from the prison, I had placed myself in. Together we ran and played. I introduced her to my other selves and creatures in my kingdom. Then I did an amazing thing....
I gave her an art studio and gallery. It sounds so simple but it was so freeing. If you are into 'The Secret' book series, or similar teachings like magical path working. You will understand; you can achieve only that which you have on the inside or in your inner kingdom. I have found if I am stuck on a painting I give it up to God and the Universe to find the answer. More times than not I go to the gallery in my world and the answer or finished painting is there for all to see.
I found my self inside me and set her free. I accept me as I am and I love myself. My blessing to you is that whomever reads this also finds themselves and loves who they find. Remember your soul is always with you....it is your self that we sometimes loose.
Be Blessed and let your light shine!
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