- May 2014 saw my family moving to Alaska for my husband's new job. No big deal but my health was again in turmoil and steadily getting worse.
- December of 2014 started with two surgeries a week apart; which where in Texas. Gotta love that abdominal scar tissue and my ability to grow it. I should win a medal for it or at least get a gold star.
- December also gave me a HUGE blessing though at the time I did not know it...(tears are running down my face as I try to type this ~but I need to share so you can understand) my Mom flew in from Nevada to help me through the second surgery since my husband had to get back to work up north. She almost cancelled and I had to guilt trip and beg her; I am so glad I won. Everyone was back home by Christmas.
- December also brought the news that my mother was in the ER for abdominal pain the day after Christmas. She was sent home but they found a mass in her abdomen and was to follow up with a specialist in two weeks.
- January 2015 Mom was back to the ER and submitted to the hospital. I was in Alaska and going crazy with worry. Needless to say I have the greatest husband in the world - he got me on a flight to as soon as he could. My two boys held down the fort and fended for themselves while I took off to help my family in Nevada.
- January 21st saw me touching down in Reno. It was a Wednesday and I got there in the evening. My brother picked me up and we went right to the hospital. They planned a surgery to remove the abdominal mass for the next day. Mom was so happy to see me and so out of it on pain meds. That night I drove back to the ranch with my dad (which is 60 miles away in Fallon). There is always chores that need doing.
- January 22nd Dad and I got up early feed the livestock and raced back to Reno to be with Mom. My sister brought Whitey, my mom's dog into the hospital for a visit. Mom seemed to enjoy seeing him. Whitey sat on her bed and she petted his paw for several hours. The meds kept her pretty loopy; that afternoon they took her in for surgery thinking it was cervical cancer, her kidneys had already started to fail so it was risky but they figured removing the mass would give her a fighting chance. What the doc found instead was cancer everywhere and a type he did not recognize. He was the top cancer specialist in northern Nevada it was a shock to him what he found. He said he did what he could, but it did not look good, and they needed to figure out what type of cancer it was before they could treat it. Mom was placed in the ICU, on a ventilator and numerous other machines. She never woke up, or regained consciousness after the surgery. Another hidden blessing. Dad and I stayed late and got up early to spend every day at her side. My brother, sister, and my brother's best friend who lived with my parents since high school drove up most days as well. Mom's brother and a few other relatives also stopped in over the next week. We took turns reading to Mom. I read Anne McCaffery's Pern books and a few others; my sister brought up poetry we had all enjoyed growing up. Sometime in this week they told us it was BLUE CELL Cancer, normally a childhood cancer and very rare. She maybe had it 6 weeks.
- January 29th Dad and I stayed the night at the hospital while the others went back to the ranch to take care of things. The staff brought a trundle bed into Mom's room and we each got a few hours sleep in shifts. It was a long night.
- Morning of the 30th Dad and I stepped out to the hospital cafe for a quick bite to eat. He paid the bill and I made use of the restroom - that is when I got the call to hurry back from Mom's doctor. I grabbed Dad and we ran back to her room. Mom's heart was failing. They gave us enough time that I was able to call my brother, sister, and uncle so that they could say goodbye to mom over the phone. I held the phone steady to her ear and let each take as long as they wanted. Together with Dad we had to make the hardest decision. It was unanimous; we agreed turn off the machines and let her go. Dad and I each stood there and held her hands; within ten minuets she was gone. I have no idea how long we stayed there, I was going to let dad take as long as he wanted. I started making the calls to family and friends. My Mom was always impressed in traumatic situations or emergencies that I could put myself aside and take charge. I was the calm one, till it was over and this was no exception. I dreaded each call, the retelling, but knew no one else was strong enough to handle it. I drove Dad back to the ranch that day, I don't remember the drive just that we got there.
- January 31st my parents 30th wedding anniversary. She missed it by a day which at the time I thought it was a blessing, now I am not so sure. One year will have passed in a few more days and there is still not a day I do not grieve.
- February 2015 saw me back home in Alaska with a nasty cold. I was given Levaquin and on day six I noticed joint pain but was too far gone in grief to really think on it. I finished the pills and then the warning hit me...rare chance Levaquin might cause tendinitis. Sure enough I got it in my right hand and left ankle. My doctor said to say off the foot and don't use the hand and it should fix itself as long as I do not tear anything.
- September 2015 found me no better and still couch bound. I found a new doctor at the urging of my husband. In fact I got 3. I had not realized how far I had left my life for those few months. I separated myself from everyone and withdrew deep inside my own world. I cried all the time. Normally I would take a walk and get my head back on straight or go talk to my horse. I couldn't walk without pain and my horse was in Nevada, I had no way to cope as I did in the past. I couldn't paint, color, or draw because the hand was no better than the foot. The new doctor started me on additional supplements, acupuncture, and cold laser therapy.
- Fast Forward to January 2016. I am still here and amazingly better. My hand and foot are healing finally. Both still get muscle sore and do not feel 100% but after 8 or so months of doing nothing it will take time. I started painting again in November and had a lot of Christmas orders for ornaments. Life is moving forward.
I love you Mom, I know you are home, RIP you will always be my Momma Hippo.
Pamela Miller (my Mom) and Whitey at a field trial.
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